Inertia…Sometimes We All Need A Push

Laws of science always apply.

Lots of people ask me for advice. Well, okay, I’ll admit…they don’t ASK all the time. They just sit there, frowning, talking about all the things that are happening in their lives. All the things that are making them sad. All the things they wish they could change.

I admit, I’ve lost a few friends over this. I’m sorry, but if you have all these problems, and I’m a good enough friend to give you insight into what the problem is and how to fix it–and you agree– and you do nothing about it…I can’t associate with you. I can’t associate with weak people. I can look at them from a distance, but I can’t get too close. Weakness is like a disease…it spreads quickly like a wildfire and without bias. 

MOMENTS of weakness are a different story. Everyone has them. Everyone can relate to making a decision that goes against everything you believe in just because it feels right at the time. Everyone’s done it. If you haven’t, I suggest you do it at least once to get an insight into what it feels like to let everything go, and just do what you feel…

Tangent aside, I like to give advice. I can’t stop myself. Ever. It gets me into trouble sometimes. but I don’t care. Don’t come to a bereavement counselling student and discuss your problems and NOT expect advice.

Anyway,

I have these two friends…they are a couple. We’ll call them Sam and Sally. Sam and Sally are “repeat offenders”, as I call them–people who have broken up and gotten back together before. They recently broke up again. Sally is a good friend of mine. She was in my wedding. She came over and was very upset. They had broken up a few days before, and I’d seen her right after it happened, two days later, and then finally, the night before they got back together.

She was a mess. Let’s say the breakup was a mutual thing. Sam acted like an asshole, Sally called him on it, he apologized, but the level of asshole-ness was too extreme at the time, so she had a hard time forgiving him right away. She dwelled on it, which lead to him dwelling on things, which lead to a mutual ‘dwelling’ phase. Until she realized she missed him. A lot.

She was over here, at ‘The Clinic’ as I call it (my couch), and I could tell someone had to do something. So I interfered.

I threw myself right into the middle of their problem. I got myself involved because I saw a need for something to happen.

You know that moment when you see something happening, and you feel like you could help? Like if you were to see a lost little boy wandering around in the city…or an old woman hobbling across a busy street?

Is that wrong? Even though I helped the situation and they got back together with better ideals, and a more concrete idea of what they BOTH want out of their relationship, and a deeper understanding of each other, should I have gotten involved? I think the answer is yes.

Well, the answer is Inertia.

Inertia is  is the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest, or the tendency of an object to resist any change in its motion. And object at rest stays at rest, until an external force acts upon it, giving it motion. And then once in motion, will not stop until another external force comes along and…well, you know the rest.

I am the external force. 

I think everyone needs an external force at one time or another in their lives. You need someone, an unbiased outsider, to give you the low-down, down-low on your situation. Someone that can see both sides, and see where the problem is, and give it just a little push in the right direction.

In Sam and Sally’s case, they are just a young couple with nothing holding them together. No kids, they don’t share an apartment, they have nothing keeping them together besides their genuine desire to be together. True beauty. in it’s simplest form.

Sam and Sally needed some inertia.

Sometimes, all someone needs is a little push in the right direction. Some people don’t like to be the external force, but I don’t mind. There’s something gratifying about noticing that someone needs help, and them offering them your assistance.

Whatever the case may be.

Sam and Sally aside, there have been many times in my life that I, myself , have been given an external force. And I appreciate it. Whether good or bad, external forces bring you to new understandings, and new perspectives on life.

Giving birth to a child without any pain medications was a huge ‘external force’ for myself. It really gives you a new perspective of what pain really is, what strength really is, and what really matters in life. I guarantee if you speak to a first-time mom who had an epidural, versus a first-time mom who went all-natural, you’d have a Venn diagram with almost NOTHING in the middle. Besides the baby.

Death would have to be the ultimate external force.

The unexpected death of a loved one has been one of the biggest changing factors in my life, to date. Although the death was extremely painful to watch and deal with at the time, it has brought be to higher levels of appreciation and understanding for the life I have been given. It gave me purpose and direction,  and a desire to excel. It gave me a better perspective on what to appreciate and what to hold dear to my heart.

We all need these external forces, regardless of how they come into our lives. Whether it’s a friend helping your situation (that’s what friends are for, right?), a huge life event, or the death of a loved one, we need all of these things to happen sometimes.

We all need something that rattles us to the core, something that wakes us up like a smelling salt. Something that reminds us that we are alive, and ever changing. Something that reminds us that while, yes, there are other people in the world, it is US, personally that need to take a stand in our own worlds, and make something happen for ourselves.

We all need something to live for, and sometimes we forget what those things are, until we receive our external forces.

You HAVE to Guess!

All women want is a man who can read their mind! That would be nice if even WE knew what we were thinking half the time. This video is genius!

Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship can relate to this completely. This is hysterical, so I thought I’d share. This was on Tosh.0 a few weeks ago, and my husband and I watched it, laughing at all the times I’ve dome something similar. Perhaps I didn’t go on a cabinet rampage, but everyone in a relationship should be able to relate to this. And then laugh hysterically.

GUESS!!!! YOU HAVE TO GUESSSSSSSSS IT!

Your relationship didn’t work? Again? Try This.

I suppose I’ll never really understand why people break up, and then get back together. Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated. As I do my morning Facebook troll, I yet again see a long list of people who have been ‘frequent offenders.’ People who’s relationship status keeps bouncing back and forth…with the same person.

“Stacy is single.”– Good, I think to myself. That guy was an asshole, anyway (from what I’ve read on her previous statuses).

Two days later,  she’s right back to ‘in a relationship’ status…with the same douchebag. I don’t get it.

I’ve seen several of my ‘friends’ do this. And I am dumbfounded. I just can’t figure out why two people who obviously can’t decide if they like each other enough to stay together keep going through the motions of trying to ‘work things out’, or whatever women tell themselves they are doing.

Isn’t the definition of crazy doing the same thing, over and over, and expecting a different outcome? If it didn’t work the first five hundred times, it’s probably not meant to be. I can’t tell you how many people I have de-friended just because I can’t bear to see another relationship change, or I’ll blow. I’ll explode all over their page, in a sea of opinion. Offering advice (good advice, at that), asking questions…well, let’s just say, these people get a little ‘defensive’ when you question their ridiculous relationships.

It never ceases to amaze me how naive women can be, and how dumb some men are. All women want is someone who will change–just for them. All men want is to be left alone, and to not have to change much. They want someone to take them they way they are, and be their friend. So when two dumb, naive people get together, I believe this is where the problem lies.

Some things in relationships are deal-breakers. Cheating. Lying. Being disgusting. Being overly, inexcusably mean to the other person all the time. Those are all deal-breakers. Well, to ME anyway, they are. Why do ‘deal-breakers’ change between people? How is my idea of a ‘deal-breaker’ different from yours? How can you take someone back after they’ve cheated on you, or any of those things? I really just don’t get it.

From what I’ve seen of people I know, age is a big factor in this. The younger the person, the more waffling. I like to think we get smarter as we get older, and maybe we’re willing to take less shit. Maybe that’s why. Hopefully some of these people get smarter. Hopefully.

I overheard a neighbor drunkily talking about her relationship the other day. They are younger, probably my age–late 20’s, maybe early 30’s. In her slurry speech, she proclaimed, “Oh, yeah. Josh (name changed) and I have been together three years, now. Well, really it’s six, but we broke up, like, a BUNCHA times before we got back together again. And it was all because of this girl I used to hang out with…” The story went on, but I couldn’t bear to listen. I knew this one. This was the one where she broke up with the guy because her friend said that HE said all these things about her, but–lo and behold– he would never do such a thing. Does everyone think like this?

Which lead me to this post.

Let me just say, that after being with the same person for almost ten years–if you break up with someone, it’s for a reason. Don’t suck yourself into thinking that they’ll change, or that things will be different. Or that you’re secretly meant to be, and this time it’s gonna be awesome…’cause it won’t. It’ll suck, and most likely be even worse than the last go-round. The only way things will be different, is if you try again with a different person. 

Relationships shouldn’t take that much work. They should just be. Just the way they are. You should be mad sometimes, and happy others. You should look forward to the future together. You should have personal goals, and goals for the relationship. You need personal space, and together-space. Personal interests, and things you love doing together.

It’s not rocket science, people. If you have a feeling that it might not work–YOU’RE RIGHT. Go put energy into finding something else to fill the space in your heart until you find someone that can help you complete it.